What does it mean for a modern lady to keep her home? Does it mean that she should always have an HGTV worthy space? If so, that would probably count most of us out! Does it require a woman to be married with 2.5 kids in tow? If that were the case, millions of women in the U.S. would be excluded.[1] I have kept a home both as a single woman and as a married woman. One definition of home I found most intriguing is, “the place in which one’s domestic affections are centered.”[2] This definition does not specify life circumstances or marital status, but rather the heart with which one approaches the home, even for the least domestically inclined.

Being a lady in your home means that you have a heart to take care of what God has given you. Whether God has given you a table for 10 or a table for 1, you can glorify God by being the best steward of your space that you can be. When I think of someone in the Bible who used her home well, I think of Lydia. In Acts 16 we find that she was a smart businesswoman with a heart for God who used her home for ministry. Based on her example we can see a few timeless principles about what it means to be a lady in our homes.

 

1. Lydia had a concern for others –

We know that Lydia and the members of her household were baptized, so she didn’t stop with herself when she became saved. She made sure the other members of her household met Jesus too. If you have people living in your house, then they are the primary people you should introduce to Jesus and disciple. If not, you may have extended family members who need to know Jesus. In the ancient world, families were highly interconnected. Our culture may be different, but that does not dismiss our responsibility to share with those closest to us. Andrew introduced his brother Simon (later called Peter) to Jesus, and Peter became one of the most outspoken disciples (John 1:41-42). You never know what God has planned for those closest to you whom you introduce to Christ.

 

2. Lydia took initiative –

We do not know if Lydia or Paul introduced her household to Jesus, but we do know Lydia took initiative to make sure it happened. Then she invited Paul and his team to stay at her house. Lydia did not wait for hospitality opportunities to come to her. She took action to extend kindness to those around her. I have learned through ministry moves and the busyness of life that if you want to stay connected to people, you have to make it happen. Lydia was one of those people who took opportunities to make ministry happen.

                 

3. Lydia opened her home –

Lydia used what God had given her to show hospitality to Paul and his companions. Whatever space God has given you can be used to show the love of Christ. It may be as simple as a cup of coffee or as elaborate as a full meal. Extending kindness to others through our homes, no matter how large or small, can be the cup of cold water we give in Jesus’ name (Matthew 10:42).

 

Our homes can be used in so many ways to glorify God. They can be a place of refreshment and encouragement for weary sojourners, a haven of rest for our families and us, or a place of peace for the distressed. To be a lady in our homes means that we extend kindness and grace to all who walk through our doors. So the question is, who is walking through your door today?

 

 

 

 

[1] United States Census Bureau, “FFF: Unmarried and Single Americans Week Sept. 20-26, 2015,” available from https://www.census.gov/newsroom/facts-for-features/2015/cb15-ff19.html; accessed 29 March 2017.

[2] Dictionary.com, “Home”, available from http://www.dictionary.com/browse/home?s=t; accessed 29 March 2017.

 

 

In this wild and crazy 21^st century world, what does it mean to be a lady in your relationships with others? Even though it may seem so with some of the outrageous behavior of women we see on reality television and even the news, this question is not just new to us. First century women were struggling with some of the same issues. With some coming from Gentile backgrounds where anything goes, many of these women had to learn what it meant to follow the teachings of Jesus in how they encountered others. Previously we have looked at a lady’s manners and her appearance, and now we will consider her relationship to others. While the types of relationships we have may vary as a spouse, mother, daughter, co-worker, friend, etc., a few general principles apply to being a lady in whatever types of relationships we may have.

 

1. Treat others as you would want to be treated –

This is a preschool principle but one that we have to keep learning over and over even into adulthood! The Apostle Paul even goes so far as to say that we should put on compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience just as we would our clothes each day. He also said that we should practice forgiveness and put love on top of it all (Colossians 3:12-14). In a self-centered world, we have to retrain our brains to be others centered. I don’t know about you, but I generally do not automatically think about situations from another’s perspective. I have to be intentionally thoughtful to consider another person’s point of view. Yet when I do, it generally changes my entire perception of the circumstances at hand. Taking a moment to pause and reflect on how those around us are feeling can change how we react to others amidst the stressors of life.

 

2. Be above reproach –

Being a lady in your relationships means that you give no one cause to question your integrity in your dealings with other people. In the scriptures, Peter reminds Christians that we are called to be holy in all that we do just as God is holy (1 Peter 1:15-16). It means that we should be set apart because we follow Jesus. Our pastor often reminds us that as God’s people we should “shine like stars in the world” (Philippians 2:15) by living blameless and pure in the often dark city of New Orleans. One way to determine if you are above reproach around others is to ask yourself if you are the same person in private that you are in public. Do you treat everyone honestly and fairly regardless of who they are and where they come from? Do you avoid gossip? Are you authentic? Examining our dealings with others in all areas of our lives can help us see where we may need to make changes so that we can be blameless and pure in all that we do.

 

3. Be the example you would want to follow – 

In 1 Corinthians 11:1, the Apostle Paul boldly encouraged the Corinthian church to imitate him as he imitated Christ. Are you living a life that others could follow because you are following the patterns of Christ? It’s easy to blame those around us for our behavior (Eve taught us that in the garden!), yet at the end of the day we are each responsible for our own choices. Whether we have great examples in person to follow or not, we can all follow the patterns of Jesus’ life. Do you try to be the kind of friend, daughter, spouse, mom, co-worker, etc. you would want to have? In our house we have a plaque that says, “Children are great imitators. Give them something great to imitate” because it is a reminder of this verse in Corinthians. As we seek to imitate Christ, we must remember that others around us are emulating us as well.

 

So what does it mean to be a lady in your relationships? I think Paul summed it up in Philippians 1:27 when he said,

“Just one thing: Live your life in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ.”

 

What does it mean to look like a modern lady? Appropriate appearance is a highly debated topic, especially among Christian women. The question we’re looking at here is not so much specifically what to wear or not wear (I think there is a show that talks about that!), but instead what is the heart issue behind what it means to look like a lady. In a social media world, appearance concerns for women of all ages have only increased as we have more opportunities to compare ourselves to others. Instead of just being deluged by the media, we are now inundated by what everyone else looks like on any given day. I mean think about this, how many times have you altered a photo of yourself that you posted online, even if it was just to remove the red eye?

Most of us want to look our best, but when we alter images of ourselves so much that we completely change who God made us to be in the process, then it’s time to ask ourselves an important question. Does this image bring glory to me or glory to God? The bigger issue here with appearing like a lady is, what brings glory to God in what you wear and how you present yourself? To examine this question, here are a few ideas I have come across in my research on appearance.

 

1) Contentment is the opposite of resentment –

At the heart of nearly all appearance related matters is the issue of contentment. Are you content with who God created you to be and how He created you to look? If you are content with your appearance, you will be less likely to hide your appearance behind oversized clothes or show off your appearance with less than you should wear. Often negative body image can lead to either. Constantly comparing yourself to others will only lead to resentment because there will always be someone you think looks better than you. So much Scripture speaks to this issue of contentment. Memorizing and applying God’s word is the best way to combat negative thoughts about the way you look. Here are a few of my favorites and a snapshot of what they teach us:

Psalm 139:13-14 – You have been fearfully and wonderfully made.

2 Corinthians 10:3-5 – Take every false thought captive – That includes those negative thoughts you may think about the way you look!

Galatians 1:10 – We do not seek to please men but to please God.

1 Peter 3:3-4 – Beauty in God’s eyes is not outward but inward.

 

2) When in doubt, just change it out – 

My rule of thumb is, if you have doubts about whether or not something you are wearing is appropriate, it’s better just to change it out. If not, you will continually be self-conscious. Then your focus is on you rather than who or what your focus should be on. Again, ask yourself if you are bringing glory to you because you want people to notice you, or if you are bringing glory to God because you chose to look your best? One way to answer this question is to consider whether or not you would be a distraction to others by how you look. Is it about getting attention or pleasing the Lord?

 

3) Look your best, don’t worry about the rest – 

Just as obsessing over your appearance keeps your focus on you, so does the opposite of neglecting your appearance altogether. Giving glory to God in our appearance does not mean that we disregard taking care of ourselves. Neglecting our appearance generally only leads to low self-esteem. The goal is rather than thinking less of ourselves, we think about ourselves less. In Philippians 2:3-4, we are reminded that we should consider others more than we consider ourselves. Here we are not told that we should avoid considering ourselves. We do that automatically by default. Instead, we are told that we should strive to think about others as much or more than we think about ourselves. If we are focused on our own appearance, then it’s hard to be focused on others.

 

Ultimately the issue of being a lady in our appearance comes down to having a heart to please God. Do you desire to bring glory to Him in all that you do? That’s the most important question to ask yourself when you see the reflection in the mirror.